Category Archives: rockstars

Creepy Songs!

If you follow American politics then you’ll know that former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee — a fire-breathing, gun-toting, god-fearing, right-wing Republican — took issue with Beyonce in his latest book, God, Guns, Grits, and Gravy, calling her music “obnoxious and toxic mental poison.”

Funnily enough, Huckabee had nothing negative to say about his friend and fellow Republican Ted Nugent. I guess Nugent’s cheery little ditty “Jailbait”, about sexually abusing a 13 year old girl is just good ole family values, or something.

This got me thinking about songs that are actually pretty creepy, especially the fact that there are so many of them. Some of these are obvious such as The Police’s stalker anthem, “Every Breath You Take”, Rod Stewart’s female sexual predator “Maggie May” and Robin Thicke’s rapey “Blurred Lines.”

Now songs can be creepy, but you can still enjoy them — so I’m not saying these songs are bad, or that the artists are spewing “toxic mental poison” but the lyrics, they do give you pause for thought.

Bruce Springsteen — “I’m On Fire”
A song that’s heavy on the stench of ‘creepy uncle’. What were you thinking, Bruce?

Hey little girl, is your daddy home?
Did he go away and leave you all alone?
I got a bad desire, I’m on fire

Blondie — “One Way Or Another”
A tune in which Debbie Harry turns all crazy Fatal Attraction…

One way or another I’m gonna find ya
I’m gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha

One day, maybe next week
I’m gonna meetcha, I’m gonna meetcha, I’ll meetcha
I will drive past your house
And if the lights are all down
I’ll see who’s around

Robyn — “Dancing On My Own”
More stalking!

I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her, ohh
I’m right over here, why can’t you see me, ohh
I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the girl you’re taking home, ooo
I keep dancing on my own
I keep dancing on my own

Maroon 5 — “Animals”
In case you miss the message, the video features Adam Levine stalking a woman (his wife, Benhati Prinsloo), taking photos of her while she sleeps and covering her body with animal blood. So romantic!

Baby, I’m preying on you tonight
Hunt you down eat you alive

Alt J — “Breezeblocks”
Nothing like murdering your love to keep her close…

She may contain the urge to run away
But hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks
Germolene, disinfect the scene
My love, my love, love, love

If you’d like to chip in with your suggestions, fire away!

Boot me up, tie me down!

The big question in the Sexton household this week is whether or not we’d be willing to have sex with a robot. The reason this topic is taking up much mental energy is that a) my boyfriend Thomas, best friend Mr H and I are all sci-fi geeks and b) artificial intelligence researcher David Levy reckons we’ll be having sex with robots in the near future.So far, I haven’t found anyone willing or perhaps just willing to admit that they’d give it a go. Hmmm… I just don’t know. Robot butler? Excellent – bring me the newspaper, Jeeves X3! There is a large part of me that thinks that this would be a step too far, but I wonder… I am very fond of sex toys and I guess that a sexbot could be nothing more than a really advanced personal pleasure device. Although, I kinda thought that what men were for! That, and taking out the trash.Maybe, in a pinch, a robot lover might be better than none at all, but personally, I prefer a more old-fashioned fix when in need of company – go out and find some! And you can send them on their way when you are both done instead of clearing out the hall closet and propping your lover up against the hoover.Levy also thinks that robots will become so human-like that by 2050 we’ll marry them. Why on earth would anyone want to do that? I promise to love, honour and upgrade your software, till death – or technological advances – us do part. Weird.Robots certainly would be a lot simpler than rock (pop?) stars though. After the Snow Patrol concert my friend Ciara had me on a wild goose chase looking for one Mr Gary Lightbody. No luck though… Although I since I got to hear exactly what she’d like to do to him I can safely say, he really missed out!In the next issue of the lovely HP, I’ll be having a look at the first results of the Sexual Wellbeing Survey. One thing I found worrying is that a mere 58% of us feel comfortable with telling our lover what we like sexually. Me, I’ve always found that a well-timed whisper in the ear works almost every time for small requests and that an “Ooh! You know what might be fun…” post-orgasmic suggestion is generally a winner for more elaborate wishes. But for the 42% of you who find this difficult, I have some suggestions in the next issue.Good news, sisters, feminists have better sex and relationships. Read all about it here – And now some homework! Time Out has ten suggestions for those who like to have sex in the great outdoors. While the weather is still reasonable, you might want to try them out. But don’t forget the golden rule – Don’t get caught! dangerously explicit robots after the jump Continue reading