Category Archives: flirting

Flirting vs Sexual harassment

Who doesn’t know the difference between flirting and sexual harassment? Very few people I’d guess. But on the off chance you don’t, Laura Bates of the Everyday Sexism Project has written a piece distinguish between the two. Of course, as with all newspaper articles discussing sexual harassment there has been a predictable flurry of angry commentators claiming that women think it’s flirting if they find a man attractive and harassment if they don’t. Ho hum. Nope that’s not how it works. It’s harassment when you are aggressive or won’t take no for an answer, no matter how attractive you are.

If you’re too lazy (or busy) to read the article, there’s only one real rule: Flirting should make  the other person feel comfortable

If your intended seems uncomfortable something is wrong. Either the context is off (dark bus stop/job interview); perhaps they misunderstood or misheard you; or maybe they’ve just had a bad day and want to be left alone. Back off. Try someone else who’ll be more appreciative of your efforts. Don’t shout at strangers from your car (exceptions apply if you are screaming ‘Up the Dubs’ or similar); don’t make overtly sexual remarks to a stranger, male or female; don’t touch a man or woman you don’t know. And if you ever feel the need to call someone a slut, pansy, asshole or whore because they are not keen on making sweet sweet love with you, get yourself into therapy. That is all.


Womens Top Five Sexual Fantasies


The Californian state assembly is considering making it illegal to post “revenge porn”. If passed, the law will make it a crime to post a video or photo of someone who is partially or fully undressed without their permission. A law already exists to protect those who were secretly filmed and the new law would apply to images where the subject had originally given consent to being photographed or filmed. Revenge porn has become increasingly prevalent in the last few years, as more and more people share naked images with partners – and it is possible to save or recover images that are supposed to self-destruct using apps like Snapchat.



This may not be the most architecturally exciting update of the classic Swiss chalet, but authorities in Zurich have unveiled drive-in sex chalets to improve security for sex workers and their clients. The chalets are located on a former industrial estate (sexy!) and are equipped with panic alarms and reminders to practise safe sex. The scheme has the support of residents and similar initiatives have been launched in Germany. Next stop, Limerick!



Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis has been sentenced to 270 days in jail and three years’ probation for assaulting a woman in his Los Angeles home in 2011. Francis was found guilty of choking his victim and repeatedly slamming her head to the ground. Francis has also been ordered to complete an anger management course and attend therapy. Francis is maintaining his innocence and will remain free until the outcome of his appeal. After receiving his sentence Francis complained to the press that the members of the jury were “retarded” and said that, “they should all be lined up and shot.” He later apologized for these remarks.



You love the Lord and your partner – but, hell, the sexual boredom has set in. No bother – log on to and get your freak on with other God-fearing horny people or as the site puts it “devout Christian couples who still want to have an active love life and share it with another, in good faith!” I thought this site was an elaborate hoax, but it seems to be genuine – my mind is officially blown.



What are women’s favourite sexual fantasies? Emily Dubberley investigated our contemporary fantasies and her book Garden of Desires explores them. Here is the top five:

1. Submissive fantasies: these cover a wide range of fantasies, from BDSM sex play to giving up control or being emotionally or sexually obedient.

2. Dominant fantasies: as the name suggests here, the fantasy is one of being in control and being sexually assertive.

3. Exhibitionist and voyeuristic fantasies: fantasies involving watching or being watched in the act of having sex.

4. Group sex fantasies: these may have dominant, submissive or exhibitionist streaks to them but the main feature of these fantasies is the idea of multiple partners.

5. Partner fantasies: sex with a particular person, which could be a lover, a friend, a famous person or the local petrol-pump attendant.

Erotic capital?

Catherine Hakim, author of a book called Honey Money, reckons women should use their charms to get ahead. Hakim calls this “erotic capital” and says this is an underused resource at women’s disposal. Although men can use erotic capital too, Hakim says it is mostly women who are able to leverage it since men are all slavering beasts who don’t get enough sex since women over 30 are not that interested.

Call me crazy, but I reckon that is equally insulting to both men and women.

On the one hand it is true that better looking people tend to have an easier time in life. Tall men earn more money and good looking women are more likely to marry rich. But on the other hand, if you get ahead in life by relying on flirting or the promise of sex, it is unlikely that you’ll get very far. Contrary to popular belief, sleeping with the boss is unlikely to get you promoted. What it will get you is fired.

Hakim basically says that for women being attractive is more important than being competent. I think an awful lot of women would disagree with that. I think most male bosses or co-workers would too. No company wants to carry a lame duck, no matter how lovely her legs are. Besides which, if you rely on your looks instead of skills to get ahead, how long will you be able to do so?

Hakim has been roundly criticised for her scholarship. Honey Money relies on data that is 20 years out of date and Hakim appears to has seriously misinterpreted the findings.

My major issue with Hakim (besides the fact that she is talking bollocks) is that her whole idea is just depressing. Seduction is reduced to a bargaining tool, sex is nothing more than a commodity; there is no room for joy, genuine pleasure or even love in a world where eroticism is just one more exploitable resource to make you money.