So after months of anticipation, the new SATC movie hits the cinemas today. Ho hum… Don’t get me wrong, parts of the series were indeed very funny, but the first movie seemed to think that product placement constituted a storyline. The whole thing felt like an extended infomercial, featuring some rather ditzy forty-somethings in nice frocks.
My own problem with SATC is that people who don’t know me expect me to be Ms Bradshaw, and of course, I’m not. Not even in the slightest. Which is disappointing for some people, but a relief to others. Thankfully. But I get it, sure, we’re both slightly weird looking women who write about sex. But our lives couldn’t be more different. Here’s the lowdown:
Carrie Bradshaw… does no work besides one weekly column (for most of the show), yet lives in a nice Manhattan brownstown, has a closet full of designer clothes and spends most evenings quaffing cocktails and eating in hip restaurants.
Anne Sexton… writes, designs and works all the time, but can’t afford hip restaurants and cocktails as often as she’d like.
Round 1 goes to Carrie.
Carrie Bradshaw… has an unnatural fondness for designer shoes, which is possibly an undiagnosed fetish. Presumably has bunions.
Anne Sexton… has an unnatural fondness for chocolate, which is possibly an undiagnosed fetish. Has no bunions.
Round 2 goes to me, since chocolate is a less expensive fetish to indulge in these recessionary times.
Carrie Bradshaw… has a fall out with her bloke, throws away her phone and doesn’t check her emails for a year.
Anne Sexton… just isn’t that stupid.
Round 3 is mine.
Carrie Bradshaw… sets fashion trends.
Anne Sexton… sets the table.
Round 4 is Carrie’s.
Carrie Bradshaw… has no close male friends other than her GBF Stanford.
Anne Sexton… has plenty of male friends, straight and gay.
Round 5 is mine.
Carrie Bradshaw… has a bunch of female friends who really should have told her to speak to Big after the whole wedding debacle, instead of acting like a bunch of pissed-off prom queens.
Anne Sexton… has feisty female friends who tell it straight.
Round 6 is mine because my female friends have more cop on.
Carrie Bradshaw… is on the side of the bus.
Anne Sexton… catches the bus.
Round 7 is Carrie’s.
Carrie Bradshaw… thinks a walk-in closet is the ultimate gift.
Anne Sexton… would like her own personal home library but currently would be happy with some nice new big bookshelves.
Round 8 is undecided.
Carrie Bradshaw… squeals like a dolphin being strangled when she gets caught in a downpour.
Anne Sexton… lives in Ireland.
Round 9 is mine, because living here means that getting wet is an almost daily occurrence and that kind of ridiculous carry-on just wouldn’t be tolerated.
Carrie Bradshaw… once dated a politician.
Anne Sexton… has some standards!
Round 10 is mine.
The finally tally is 6 to 3. Anne Sexton wins!
*Disclaimer: The above competition may suffer from a smidgen of bias…