The summer is nearly here, and with warm weather we can enjoy ice-cream, holidays and outdoor sex. Having sex in the great outdoors is all well and good, as long as you are careful and don’t get caught. Em and Lou, the web’s most famous sex experts have ten tips for outdoor sex. Here they are:
1. Keep an eye out for unpleasant plants, such as stinging nettles.
2. Wear a long skirt and no underwear for sex against a tree.
3. Don’t have sex if families with children are anywhere nearby.
4. Bring a blanket if you want to lie down.
5. Don’t remove all your clothes. Remaining half clothed makes it less embarrassing if you get caught, and there is less chance of being bitten or stung by insects.
6. Use a bug repellent, but not on your genitals!
7. The night sky is more romantic than bright sunlight. Zip two sleeping bags together for warmth.
8. If you are having sex in a tent at night switch off lamps and flashlights or your silhouettes, and what you are doing, will be very visible.
9. Legend has it that sex noises can attract animals. It’s not proven but if there is a chance of dangerous wildlife where you are, you may wish to stick to cuddling.
10. Don’t leave used condoms or any other rubbish after you. That’s filthy, but not in a good way.
You may love your city, but a group of men from Trondheim in Norway have taken civic pride one step further by filming themselves having sex with some of the city’s most famous landmarks. That’s having sex with the landmarks, not on or beside them. As can be imagined, not everyone is delighted. The
Norwegian University of Science and Technology was not best pleased with a video of men simulating sex on the steps of the institute’s main building. “It goes without saying that we wouldn’t have given our approval if they had come and asked our permission to make this kind of video,” sniffed a spokesman, who added that the videos were, “a very low form of humour and artistic expression.” Maybe so, but they are incredibly funny. And the men featured are rocking some seriously good bodies.
The big question in the Sexton household this week is whether or not we’d be willing to have sex with a robot. The reason this topic is taking up much mental energy is that a) my boyfriend Thomas, best friend Mr H and I are all sci-fi geeks and b) artificial intelligence researcher David Levy reckons we’ll be having sex with robots in the near future.So far, I haven’t found anyone willing or perhaps just willing to admit that they’d give it a go. Hmmm… I just don’t know. Robot butler? Excellent – bring me the newspaper, Jeeves X3! There is a large part of me that thinks that this would be a step too far, but I wonder… I am very fond of sex toys and I guess that a sexbot could be nothing more than a really advanced personal pleasure device. Although, I kinda thought that what men were for! That, and taking out the trash.Maybe, in a pinch, a robot lover might be better than none at all, but personally, I prefer a more old-fashioned fix when in need of company – go out and find some! And you can send them on their way when you are both done instead of clearing out the hall closet and propping your lover up against the hoover.Levy also thinks that robots will become so human-like that by 2050 we’ll marry them. Why on earth would anyone want to do that? I promise to love, honour and upgrade your software, till death – or technological advances – us do part. Weird.Robots certainly would be a lot simpler than rock (pop?) stars though. After the Snow Patrol concert my friend Ciara had me on a wild goose chase looking for one Mr Gary Lightbody. No luck though… Although I since I got to hear exactly what she’d like to do to him I can safely say, he really missed out!In the next issue of the lovely HP, I’ll be having a look at the first results of the Sexual Wellbeing Survey. One thing I found worrying is that a mere 58% of us feel comfortable with telling our lover what we like sexually. Me, I’ve always found that a well-timed whisper in the ear works almost every time for small requests and that an “Ooh! You know what might be fun…” post-orgasmic suggestion is generally a winner for more elaborate wishes. But for the 42% of you who find this difficult, I have some suggestions in the next issue.Good news, sisters, feminists have better sex and relationships. Read all about it here – http://www.livescience.com/health/071017-feminism-romance.html And now some homework! Time Out has ten suggestions for those who like to have sex in the great outdoors. While the weather is still reasonable, you might want to try them out. But don’t forget the golden rule – Don’t get caught! http://www.timeout.com/chicago/article/23460/rules-of-engagement dangerously explicit robots after the jump Continue reading