Category Archives: bizarre

Bad Sex Awards

FRENCH TO OUTLAW SEX WORK?

France’s ruling Socialist Party has tabled new legislation aimed at criminalising paying for sex. If the legislation goes through, anyone found guilty could face a fine of €1,500 and be required to attend an “awareness” course on prostitution. The magazine Causeur has started a protest campaign called “Touche pas a ma Pute!” (Hands off my Tart/Bitch!), led by writer Frederic Beigbeder. Beigbeder condemned the government for trying to “decree norms for desire and pleasure” and the campaign has claimed that the proposed law seeks to control women, not liberate them. The Socialist Party has hit back, claiming the campaign’s real aim is the preservation of “male domination and female submission”.

Many who work with prostitutes also oppose the bill; they fear that the law will drive the sex trade further underground making workers more vulnerable to exploitation. It is estimated that up to 90 percent of France’s 20,000 prostitutes are foreign nationals and one of the aims of the new legislation is to ‘tackle sex trafficking’ – for which many will read ‘oppose immigration’ – and forced prostitution.

SURVEY SAYS BISEXUALITY NOT REAL

This one will anger many and rightly so. A study by the University Of Pittsburgh found that heterosexual men and women have serious doubts about the legitimacy of bisexuality as a sexual orientation. Researchers administered a 33-question survey to an online sample of 1,500 adults and found that heterosexual men were the most likely to cast doubt on the existence of bisexuality as a legitimate sexual orientation – but straight women, gay men and lesbians had similar negative feelings. According to the authors, the study confirms the “prejudice, stigma and discrimination” faced by the bisexual community.

ASHLEY MADISON SUED

Ashley Madison, the website specialising in promoting extramarital affairs, is being sued by a former employee for work related injuries. Doriana Silva has claimed that typing up hundreds of fake female profiles for the site has left her with permanent damage to her wrists. She is seeking a whopping $20 million claiming that the company unjustly enriched themselves at her expense and another $1 million in punitive and general damages. Ashley Madison charges men to access the site but women join for free (can this be legal??) The fact that the company uses fake profiles to separate men from their money is not at all surprising.

SEXTON’S MISCELLANY BAD SEX AWARDS

The shortlist for the Literary Review’s 22nd Annual Bad Sex In Fiction has been announced and there are indeed some (cringe)-worthy entrants this year. Past winners have included famed writers including Sebastian Faulk, Norman Mailer and AA Gill. The purpose of the prize is “to draw attention to the crude, badly written, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it” – but it doesn’t seem to be working.

There is some terrible literary sex going on. This extract from Jonathan Grimwood’s The Last Banquet is the cheesiest (ho ho) sex scene you’re ever likely to read: “In my mouth her nipple turned from strawberry to deep raspberry but the taste I wanted was missing. I had sweat and what had to be soap from washing her dress or herself. Reaching behind me, I found the Brie and broke off a fragment, sucking her nipple through it.”

Here is the full shortlist:

House of Earth by Woody Guthrie

Motherland by William Nicholson

The City of Devi by Manil Suri

Secrecy by Rupert Thomson

The World Was All Before Them by Matthew

Reynolds

My Education by Susan Choi

The Victoria System by Eric Reinhardt

The Last Banquet by Jonathan Grimwood

All about Virginity

LIGHTS OUT!

How is this even possible? A study has found that one in six women don’t let their husbands see them naked. Of these, forty-five percent explained that lack of body confidence was the issue; around a third said lack of sexual desire was the problem – since they didn’t want sex there was no need for their partners to seem them without clothes. The study was limited, so I do hope the numbers have been skewed because of it. Lack of body confidence is a growing issue amongst men and women, and it is very difficult to have a satisfactory sex life if you are overly concerned about spare tyres or cellulite.

 

SEX BOX SUCCESS

Channel 4’s Sex Box may not have been a resounding success, but Zurich’s sex boxes may well be. The drive-in sex boxes opened two months ago as a way of combating public prostitution. The boxes are fitted with alarms, security guards and reminders of the importance of safe sex. Michael Herzig, director of social services for Zurich’s sex workers, has said that there have been no problems with violence or pimps. On average, fourteen sex workers use the boxes each day. They pay a small yearly fee to use the facility, as well as a daily fee. Prostitution is legal in Switzerland, but sex workers must be registered with authorities and have health insurance. Despite this, there have been claims that authorities will be closing parlours where many legal sex workers are based, which could see them forced into illegal prostitution.

 

BUT IS IT ART?

A student at Central Saint Martins in London has decided to lose his virginity as an art project. Clayton Pettet’s performance piece is entitled, ‘Art School Took My Virginity’, and he claims that the idea is to desensitize the concept of virginity as a hetero-normative term used to value a person’s worth. Pettet has not revealed any details of his prospective partner, only that he is a fellow art student and someone is he “physically and emotionally attracted to.” Pettet and his partner will cover their bodies in paint and have sex on a blank piece of canvas, thus leaving a physical artefact of the act and performance.

 

SEXTON’S MISCELLANY

ALL ABOUT VIRGINITY

Talking about virginity, did you know that it is actually pretty difficult to define? There is no medical or biological definition for it and instead we have to make do with a cultural definition – the state of never having had sexual intercourse.

The problem with this is that the state of virginity almost refers exclusively to penetrative sex. That’s fine if you are straight, but if you are not heterosexual, penetration may not be something you do anyway. Using this definition, if you’ve had several lovers but only had oral sex, or used fingers, or even a dildo, you’d technically still be a virgin. Which, of course, is nonsense.

There are a number of cultural myths about the hymen, but it is not a reliable marker of whether or not a woman is a virgin. Women who’ve had sex may still have one, while other women can have lost it early on, without any sex having taken place. This means there is no way of knowing for sure whether or not a woman has had sex.

Virginity doesn’t mean a woman will have a tighter vagina. Nerves around first time sex may cause a woman to clench, but having sex does not magically make your vaginal canal bigger. This is a pathway of muscles, and like other muscles, the vagina can stretch and retract.

There is a similar myth that having sex will give you a bigger penis. Sorry, it won’t.

Teenagers who are part of the abstinence movement often think the magical blessed state of virginity is preserved if they have anal sex, or if the man doesn’t ejaculate, or if neither partner has an orgasm. Nope, all of these activities count as sex.

The abstinence movement also claims that virgins are somehow “better” than sexually experienced people – this is the biggest myth of all. Sex does not change who you are as a person, or devalue your worth. Instead a happy sex life is psychologically, emotionally and even physiologically good for you.

Beware of Horny Ladies

BEWARE OF HORNY LADIES

A ‘female Viagra’ is due to be released in 2015. The drug, called Lybrido (ho ho), has passed stage-II clinical trials and should be approved by America’s FDA within a year. The problem with Lybrido appears to be that it actually works, which has lead to questions about the advisability of it – horny ladies being a huge problem apparently. Andrew Goldstein, a scientist with Emotional Brain, the manufacturer of Lybrido, has claimed that “a fear of creating the sexually aggressive woman” stalled the process. A New York Times report claimed that Emotional Brain was concerned that the FDA would reject the drug out of concern that it would lead to “female excesses, crazed binges of infidelity, societal splintering.” Hmm… Sexually active women – ruining a society near you soon. Hopefully.

 

BEWARE OF HORNY  IRISH PEOPLE

In a second news story that got my blood boiling, and not in a good way, an article on a popular New Zealand website has essentially accused Irish folks of being riddled with sexually transmitted diseases. The article claims that rates of chlamydia have increased, as has the number of Irish people attending a sexual health clinic in Christchurch. The article quoted a doctor who claimed that Kiwi women had higher STI rates than in other countries and that many of them “found the Irish accent alluring.” Unsurprisingly the article has angered Irish people living in New Zealand. You could draw a completely different conclusion from these facts if you wished – namely that Irish men have been infected by locals, and are at least smart enough to deal with the problem (even if they weren’t smart enough to wear condoms initially). The author defended the article claiming that statistics for other nationalities were not yet available. Dear oh dear…

SEXTON’S MISCELLANY : WEB BONDAGE JUNKIES

Bondage Junkies offers original amateur bondage photos and films, but despite the amateur status the quality is really good. The site is new and currently has over seven hundred downloadable photos, and a total of 155 minutes of downloadable movie files. The site has a transparent preview so you can see exactly what you are getting before you download. The site costs $19.95 for a single month’s access or $15.95 for a monthly subscription. See bondagejunkies.com for details.

 

WEDDING NIGHT BLUES

More than half of newly weds don’t have sex on their wedding night. That is according to a survey of 2,000 British people, which found that 52 percent of just hitched couples skip wedding night sex. The majority of the couples surveyed (72 percent) said that sex on the wedding night was not the big deal it once was. As most couples have consummated the relationship long before wedding bells peal, that’s hardly surprising. The biggest factor for lack of sex was a squiffy groom who either couldn’t or couldn’t be bothered. For shame!

 

Here are the top ten reasons newly weds didn’t bed:

1. The groom was too drunk (24%)

2. The bride was too tired and fell asleep (16%)

3. The bride was too drunk (13%)

4. Had to look after our children (11%)

5. We had an argument before wedding reception ended (9%)

6. Needed to leave for our honeymoon (9%)

7. Stayed up all night partying/celebrating with guests (7%)

8. The groom was too tired and fell asleep (4%)

9. Neither of us felt like having sex (4%)

10. Other (3%) – I hate to think what this could cover.

Banning The Bronze Breasts!

GET YOUR BUSH OUT

This October ‘Project Bush’ is hoping to photograph British lady gardens. Project Bush is described as “a call to action for women to stand up to the pressures of modern society and present their bushes in all their glory” – and thereby claim it is an expression of “modern feminism.” Alisa Connan, the celebrity photographer, will be taking the snaps and volunteers’ privacy will be strictly maintained. Hmmm… I don’t care what you do with your bush. Wax it or don’t, let it grow wild if you will, or give it a close crop – just keep your camera away from mine.

 

PENTHOUSE GOES BUST

FriendFinder Networks, publisher of Penthouse magazine and numerous adult-entertainment websites, has filed for bankruptcy. FriendFinder’s business model seemed a no-brainer – combining sex and social networking through its websites. The company’s services included live video, chat rooms, and photo and video sharing. Ezra Shashoua, the company’s chief financial officer, blamed a drop in membership and increased advertising costs and claimed that credit card companies had refused to process the company’s online transactions.

 

BANNING THE BRONZE BREASTS!

Citizens in Kansas have been up in arms about a bronze statue in the Overland Park Arboretum depicting a woman with her shirt undone. The statue called “Accept or Reject” shows a woman taking a self-portrait of her exposed breasts. The statue was donated to the park by the sculptor Yu Chang. Last year concerned citizens, with the help of the conservative American Family Association (AFA), convened a grand jury for the purpose of deciding whether the statue was “obscene.” The grand jury decided that the statue did not meet the legal definition. Kansas officials have already spent over $35,000 to defend the statue. The AFA is now attempting to bring the sculpture to criminal court. If the AFA wins, the statue would be seen as evidence of a crime, leading to a bit of a legal nightmare. Who would be indicted for the crime – the sculptor, the park, or the city itself? Who knew that bronze breasts were so controversial? Perhaps Michelangelo’s David needs a fig leaf?

 

SEXTON’S MISCELLANY

SEX ED APP

This is quite clever. Fabrizio Dolfi, an app developer based in London, has designed the MySexDoctor app to educate young people about sexual health and sexuality. The app also answers questions on topics that young people may be too embarrassed to ask about. Dolfi wanted to offer young people a reliable source of sexual information amid all the dodgy advice and porn found online.

The app is comprehensive and each subject also contains a FAQ section. MySexDoctor is available in “full” and “lite” versions. The lite version is free and available to anyone over twelve; the full version costs $1.99 and is for young people aged seventeen and older.

Vajacial anyone?

What! Apparently I am well-maintained modern woman. At least according to the Daily Fail. Vaginal facials or vajacials are apparently the latest craze to hit beauty salons.

Hmmm… I am all for grooming. Whether you are a man or woman, a clean and neat genital area is appreciated, but a facial seems a step too far…

Larry’s Penile implant

Hustler publisher Larry Flynt recently revealed that he is still sexually active at 70 years old thanks to a penile implant. “There’s a little reservoir in the bottom part of your stomach, and you trigger it with a button inside your testicles that doesn’t show. Nothing shows,” Flynt explained. Penile implants have become increasingly popular in the last few years. Drugs like Viagra can be of no use to men who have suffered chronic diseases or nerve damage.

Bad sex advice

Ah Cosmo, how I loved it as a teenager. I don’t know if it is that I have gotten older and wiser or if Cosmo has gotten really, really bad, but their sex advice often makes me go “huh?” Now some clever person has collected some of the weirdest advice found in the magazine. Very funny indeed. Read it here.

Technology for the lonely

The world is full of lonely people looking for sex, love and companionship. If you are craving human company, I am not sure technology is the answer but that hasn’t stopped the geeks from trying. Pillow Talk is a pillow (surprise, surprise!) that mimics a heartbeat to recreate the feeling of lying in bed next to another person. I can imagine that this may be comforting to the recently bereaved but I can’t think who would really get any joy from the app FakeGirlfriend. FakeGirlfriend allows men to create their own virtual girlfriend and receive computer generated text messages from her. I guess if you really need to fool someone into thinking you are all loved-up, it might be useful, but if you are lonely, I can’t imagine how fake messages would do anything but remind you of the fact.

Norwegian civic pride?

You may love your city, but a group of men from Trondheim in Norway have taken civic pride one step further by filming themselves having sex with some of the city’s most famous landmarks. That’s having sex with the landmarks, not on or beside them. As can be imagined, not everyone is delighted. The
Norwegian University of Science and Technology was not best pleased with a video of men simulating sex on the steps of the institute’s main building. “It goes without saying that we wouldn’t have given our approval if they had come and asked our permission to make this kind of video,” sniffed a spokesman, who added that the videos were, “a very low form of humour and artistic expression.” Maybe so, but they are incredibly funny. And the men featured are rocking some seriously good bodies.

WOMEN MAKE MEN STUPID. REALLY?

That’s according to research from the Netherlands where scientists claim they have evidence showing that even planning on talking to a woman negatively affects a man’s ability to think.

The whole thing seems pretty insulting to men, as if the presence of a woman turned them into slavering beasts. It also seems a bit ridiculous. After all, men spend their days surrounded by women – working with women, studying at the same colleges, catching buses, trains or sharing the same road space, queuing in banks or coffee shops etc etc. None of these are segregated spaces, which if this study was correct, would mean that men spend their days in a fug of indecision and stupidity.

I can imagine that a specific woman (or man) might have an effect… being around someone whom you find particular attractive can scramble anyone’s brains. But this study says that merely the presence of women is enough to affect men’s ability to think (or impairs their cognitive function to use the shrink jargon.)

It’s always wise to be a bit sceptical about psychological studies. A great deal of the time, meta-analyses of all studies covering a particular topic show that the evidence cannot always be reliably replicated, or that other studies contradict the initial findings, or that the effects are so slight they are negligible.