Monthly Archives: May 2010

Catfight! Carrie Bradshaw vs Anne Sexton

So after months of anticipation, the new SATC movie hits the cinemas today. Ho hum… Don’t get me wrong, parts of the series were indeed very funny, but the first movie seemed to think that product placement constituted a storyline. The whole thing felt like an extended infomercial, featuring some rather ditzy forty-somethings in nice frocks.

My own problem with SATC is that people who don’t know me expect me to be Ms Bradshaw, and of course, I’m not. Not even in the slightest. Which is disappointing for some people, but a relief to others. Thankfully. But I get it, sure, we’re both slightly weird looking women who write about sex. But our lives couldn’t be more different. Here’s the lowdown:

ROUND 1
Carrie Bradshaw… does no work besides one weekly column (for most of the show), yet lives in a nice Manhattan brownstown, has a closet full of designer clothes and spends most evenings quaffing cocktails and eating in hip restaurants.

Anne Sexton… writes, designs and works all the time, but can’t afford hip restaurants and cocktails as often as she’d like.

Round 1 goes to Carrie.

ROUND 2
Carrie Bradshaw… has an unnatural fondness for designer shoes, which is possibly an undiagnosed fetish. Presumably has bunions.

Anne Sexton… has an unnatural fondness for chocolate, which is possibly an undiagnosed fetish. Has no bunions.

Round 2 goes to me, since chocolate is a less expensive fetish to indulge in these recessionary times.

ROUND 3
Carrie Bradshaw… has a fall out with her bloke, throws away her phone and doesn’t check her emails for a year.

Anne Sexton… just isn’t that stupid.

Round 3 is mine.

ROUND 4
Carrie Bradshaw… sets fashion trends.

Anne Sexton… sets the table.

Round 4 is Carrie’s.

ROUND 5
Carrie Bradshaw… has no close male friends other than her GBF Stanford.

Anne Sexton… has plenty of male friends, straight and gay.

Round 5 is mine.

ROUND 6
Carrie Bradshaw… has a bunch of female friends who really should have told her to speak to Big after the whole wedding debacle, instead of acting like a bunch of pissed-off prom queens.

Anne Sexton… has feisty female friends who tell it straight.

Round 6 is mine because my female friends have more cop on.

ROUND 7
Carrie Bradshaw… is on the side of the bus.

Anne Sexton… catches the bus.

Round 7 is Carrie’s.

ROUND 8
Carrie Bradshaw… thinks a walk-in closet is the ultimate gift.

Anne Sexton… would like her own personal home library but currently would be happy with some nice new big bookshelves.

Round 8 is undecided.

ROUND 9
Carrie Bradshaw… squeals like a dolphin being strangled when she gets caught in a downpour.

Anne Sexton… lives in Ireland.

Round 9 is mine, because living here means that getting wet is an almost daily occurrence and that kind of ridiculous carry-on just wouldn’t be tolerated.

ROUND 10
Carrie Bradshaw… once dated a politician.

Anne Sexton… has some standards!

Round 10 is mine.

THE RESULT
The finally tally is 6 to 3. Anne Sexton wins!
*Disclaimer: The above competition may suffer from a smidgen of bias…

Songs about Sex (No.10) Sledgehammer

I was watching the Channel 4 Top 50 Pop Videos show last week and they played this Peter Gabriel classic. Great song, great video. [kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/KJ-CKRi_tlw" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

30 expression for sex

I was chatting to someone recently whose preferred term for having sex is “getting your hole”. To my mind that’s got to be one of the least sexy ways of describing sex. It did get me thinking of the weird and wonderful words and expressions we use. I could think of thirty, but there’s gotta be a lot more. Here they are.

1. Shagging
2. Getting the ride (Needs to be said with a Dublin accent)
3. Bonking, boinking
4. Playing couch rugby
5. The horizontal tango
6. Indoor sports
7. Doing the nasty
8. Making the beast with two backs (Shakespearean! It’s from Othello)
9. Fucking
10. Getting to know someone in a biblical sense
11. The old in-out
12. Bumping uglies
13. Sexy time
14. Boning
15. Getting laid
16. Humping
17. Knocking boots
18. Schtupping
19. Playing hide the sausage
20. Doing the wild thing
21. Screwing
22. A spot of how’s your father (Odd but funny)
23. A bit of slap and tickle
24. Tapping ass
25. Nookie
26. Rumpy pumpy
27. Getting freaky
28. Hanky panky
29. Bow chicka wow wow
30. Putting the beef in the taco (So not sexy)

But ginger, vegetarian, feminist, anarchists make the best lovers of all!

So vegetarians have more energy and feminists are better lovers, but a few years back a German study found that redheads have more sex. Interesting…

But then I came across a song claiming that anarchists are in fact better lovers. Not a great song, mind, but you can check it out here.

So it’s possible that vegetarian, feminist, anarchists with red hair are the ultimate sexual partners. But where can I find one? I’d like to check. For scientific purposes, of course…

Feminists are also better in bed!

Despite their image as ugly man-haters, feminists are better lovers. Fact!

A study published in the journal Sex Roles surveyed students and older adults. They found that students and older women who had male partners that considered themselves feminists had happier relationships and that men with female feminist partners were more sexually satisfied.

Just letting you know…

Read more here.

Vegetarians make better lovers!

A friend sent me the link to this article claiming that vegetarians make better lovers. Hmmm.. he’s a vegan, so obviously he’d think so! PETA has been promoting the idea for years and yes, veggies do taste better and are less likely to be obese, which means more energy and better sexual performance.

Luckily I don’t eat red meat. 🙂

Read the full article here.