hi ann,
my boyfriend has never had problems in the bedroom but recently we went through a phase of not using condoms, and now we want to go back to using them but every time we do he goes soft. any tips on how we could try to get back into using them?

Hi

First things first: If you’ve changed brands recently this could be the problem.

If not, it’s worth bearing in mind that this is actually a fairly common male problem. The cause is generally psychological – either a man feels he won’t be able to ‘fill’ the condom, or he’s subconsciously resisting using condoms because he prefers sex without them. Once it’s happened once or twice, he starts worrying about it, which unfortunately makes the problem worse.

It doesn’t help that stimulation often stops while he’s putting on the condom. Have the condom ready, and continue to use your hands or mouth on him while he’s opening up the package. If you know there is something that always makes him very horny, do that. Alternatively you could put the condom on for him while he’s stimulating himself. Mostly you guys just need to keep at it. Barring medical problems (which seems unlikely in this case) his ability to sustain an erection should return.

Finally, if he’s had some other difficulty recently (stress, anxiety, bereavement, illness) it could be this and not the condom at all. Thought it’d mention it just in case.