Monthly Archives: April 2009

Q&A: Never had a orgasm, will a toy help?

Hi Anne
ive never had an orgasm. i was thinking about buying a vibrator but i dont even know where to begin there are so many different kinds…any tips on buying one?

Hey

Yes I think a toy could definitely help as these are designed specifically to help you climax (and take the work out of masturbation).

As regards the toy itself, I’d go for a rabbit-style vibrator. There’s a reason why this design has become a standard – those vibrating ears are really good for clitoral stimulation, and clitoral stimulation . There are hundreds of these as well, but I’d recommend the Jessica Rabbit 2.0. I’ve got one myself and I’m very fond of it and I’m not alone in this – it was voted “Best Orgasms” in Company Magazine last year. Don’t forget to buy sex toy cleaner. Continue reading

Q&A: Erection Difficulties with a Condom

hi ann,
my boyfriend has never had problems in the bedroom but recently we went through a phase of not using condoms, and now we want to go back to using them but every time we do he goes soft. any tips on how we could try to get back into using them?

Hi

First things first: If you’ve changed brands recently this could be the problem.

If not, it’s worth bearing in mind that this is actually a fairly common male problem. The cause is generally psychological – either a man feels he won’t be able to ‘fill’ the condom, or he’s subconsciously resisting using condoms because he prefers sex without them. Once it’s happened once or twice, he starts worrying about it, which unfortunately makes the problem worse.

It doesn’t help that stimulation often stops while he’s putting on the condom. Have the condom ready, and continue to use your hands or mouth on him while he’s opening up the package. If you know there is something that always makes him very horny, do that. Alternatively you could put the condom on for him while he’s stimulating himself. Mostly you guys just need to keep at it. Barring medical problems (which seems unlikely in this case) his ability to sustain an erection should return.

Finally, if he’s had some other difficulty recently (stress, anxiety, bereavement, illness) it could be this and not the condom at all. Thought it’d mention it just in case.

Q&A: Do girls like anal sex?

You’re obviously wise enough to realise that what you see in porn often fails to square with reality, or you wouldn’t have asked the question in the first place. Having said that, yes, some women do really enjoy anal sex as it gives them the feeling of being very “full”. Other women may enjoy anal play but not necessarily be keen on having full anal sex. And some women are not keen at all. You won’t know until you ask.

It mightn’t be a bad idea to approach the topic after sex as opposed to beforehand – less pressure. When suggesting something new it’s often better to broach the topic like: “Have you ever wondered what…” instead of a “I want to…”

If your girlfriend isn’t totally against the idea but is worried about pain, you could try suggesting butt plugs to begin with. You should also get one for yourself. A man’s prostate gland can be stimulated through the anal wall and most guys find this really pleasurable.

Anal sex should not be painful. If it is, you’re going too fast or not using enough lube. Taking your time and using plenty of lube are the two golden rules. Go slowly. And by slowly I mean really slowly. It takes time to for the anus muscles to adjust to the new sensation.

Get a lubricant designed for specifically for anal play. Use plenty. Then use a bit more. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate. Most sex shops have them, if not, look online. Remember you need a water-based lube, as oil-based lubes are not safe to use with condoms.

Use a condom. Anal sex carries a greater risk of spreading STIs as the skin of the anus is thinner than the vagina.

Use a fresh condom if you move from the anus to the vagina. If you’re in a monogamous relationship and both have been tested for STIs and are no longer using condoms, you need to wash your penis thoroughly before switching between anal and vaginal sex. Bacteria from the anus can easily
give your girlfriend an infection such as cystitis (bladder infection).

Some people are concerned that anything anal can be a bit dirty. Obviously it can be… All sex shops sell douches specifically designed to clean the area.