It’s not always possible to orgasm every time you have sex. Sadly for the ladies, this is particularly true. However, any woman can increase her orgasmic potential by trying out these ideas:
1. Focus on the clit
A vibrator or a position where the clitoris is directly stimulated can help a woman to reach climax. Very few women can orgasm without clitoral stimulation, so make sure your partner knows what works for you.
2. Talk talk
Let men know when they are doing something right by telling them or by moaning. It’s encouraging and easier than telling them what they are doing wrong.
3. Practice makes perfect
To train your body to be orgasmic, you have to masturbate regularly. Ah damn…
4. Exercise
They are a pain but Kegel exercises work and can turn weak orgasms into amazing ones.
5. Take risks
Thrill-seeking behaviour stimulates dopamine, which gets your juices flowing. Try sex outdoors if you’re brave or a scary movie if you’re not.
6. Delay the pleasure
The longer the arousal build-up, the better your chance is of reaching orgasm or of having an intense experience. Get your partner to bring you close to orgasm, then slow down. Relax and repeat. Focused breathing may help boost your pleasure. Breathe in tandem with your partner to slow the rush to orgasm and create a longer arousal period.
7. Erotica
Erotic movies and books come in all flavours. This can greatly enhance anyone’s sex life, because the more aroused you are, the better your chance at climaxing. There’s plenty of stuff on the web, so be open-minded and explore. Alternatively, try veteran porn for women producer Candida Royale’s films and the Black Lace or Herotica series of books.
8. Start early
If it takes you much longer than your partner to warm up, try sexy phone calls or text messages early in the day. The more you are thinking about sex and the longer the foreplay and arousal period, the easier it is to orgasm.
9. Doctor, doctor
Anti-depressants and other medication, including some birth control pills can affect your sexual responses. If you are taking something, talk to your doctor about this.
10. Chill out
Work and stress can ruin your sex drive. It’s important to leave life’s problems outside the bedroom. It’s also important not to focus on orgasm to the extent you ignore all the other pleasures of sex. Relax and enjoy the ride.
The Cox method
Tracey Cox suggests women who have difficulty reaching climax through penetration can help themselves become more orgasmic through using these simple ideas.
Get your partner to give you clitoral stimulation until you have almost reached the point of orgasm before he enters. The idea is to let the thrusting become the final orgasm trigger and build a “bridge” between clitoral stimulation and penetrative sex. According to the experts, up to 50% of women who couldn’t orgasm through intercourse alone managed to do so without clitoral stimulation after using this technique regularly.
A second trick is to develop your orgasm triggers. The act of smiling tells your brain that you are happy and this triggers the release serotonin, the hormone that makes you feel happy. You can use the same idea for orgasm. Learn to recognize the signals your body makes when orgasm is just round the corner – the sounds you make, way you move – and exaggerate them. The more your brain believes orgasm is approaching, the easier it is to achieve climax. Simple!
anne,
I find it hard to combine the kind of intense clitoral stimulation from vibrators etc with penetration. I find that if there’s too much motion going on i lose my focus so to speak and my orgasm’s a lot less intense. Any thoughts?
Hey Shauna, sometimes it works for me, sometimes it’s all a bit much… depends on my mood I think. Also sometimes the clitoris can be so sensitive that the intense stimulation from a vibe can get a bit painful.
You could try a lower setting, use the vibe beforehand or simply chose a position, such as the cowgirl (ie sitting on top) which gives good contact between the shaft of the penis and the clit. It’s hardly worth doing something that gives you less pleasure… These things really depend on what works for you.
well I suppose it’s more the penetration that sometimes distracts me!
Ah! I misunderstood…
It’s not surprising… No man can really compete with something that’s designed to stimulate the clit.
It might be a good idea to make sure you come before any penetration takes place. If you’ve had one orgasm (and perhaps a little break) it’s easier to orgasm a second time. You could also try Tracey Cox’s suggestion (above).
And finally, lots and lots of women prefer clitoral stimulation (of any kind) to penetration itself and find it much easier to orgasm this way.
ive never had an orgasm. i was thinking about buying a vibrator but i dont even know where to begin there are so many different kinds…any tips on buying one?
Hi Ellie, I’ve answered this and your other question in two new Q&A sections. Search the Q&A tags or today’s date. Hope it helps. If you still have problems, please write back.
Anne
Hi Anne, I find the clitoral stimulation gets too intense and I actually ask my partner to stop, well before I orgasm, is this only because I havnt had an orgasm before?
El
Hi El
It could well be…
First a biology lesson: like the penis, the clitoris fills with blood when you are turned on. After orgasm the clitoris returns to its pre-aroused state and stimulation now is generally more pain than pleasure.
If you’re not having an orgasm, I suspect what’s happening is that you reach the point where you are about to orgasm and then start worrying if it’s going to happen. If your partner is trying his best to give you an orgasm it’ll be more pressure as you may feel you are somehow letting him down if you don’t. Essentially I think anxiety is holding you back and with this the blood is draining from the clit making stimulation painful.
It sounds counter-intuitive but what you need to do is stop trying to have an orgasm and concentrate on making all the other aspects of sex as pleasurable as possible. You need to be relaxed to have an orgasm, and if you are worrying about it and trying to make it happen, you certainly won’t be relaxed – making orgasm even more unlikely.
Ha Ha I get them all the time, stop shagging losers and you might start orgasisming