Monthly Archives: December 2008

The Celibate Question

Anyone here ever gone without sex for an extended period of time?

A post under my last entry complaining about doing sex without for two months got me thinking about celibacy. Many years ago I was celibate for almost a year, and not through choice really. It was a combination of various unfortunate circumstances, including a major illness in the family, that caused it. I guess I had other things on my mind…

A few months later when I tried to rectify the problem I seemed to be jinxed. Everyone I went out with revealed their freakish side to me before we’d had a chance to take things further. There was the guy who pulled a knife on me asking to drink my blood; the bizarrely sexist bloke who complained about the evils of feminism all through dinner; the racist who shouted at a homeless black kid who offered to ‘watch’ the car in exchange for some change (homeless kids are a common enough thing in South Africa sadly and watching or washing cars is how they get by); the one who spiked my drink (luckily friends were in the same club and took me home); the one who believed that the lights of a certain club revealed the innermost soul of a person and was fond of Celine Dion! You see my problem… I might have been getting desperate, but not that bloody desperate.

Anyway, that’s my sorry tale. Let here yours…

Bad sex, anyone?

Rachel Johnson, author, Sunday Times columnist and sister of Boris won the 2008 Bad Sex In Fiction Award for a passage in her novel Shire Hell.

Norman Mailer, Sebastian Faulks, Tom Wolfe and AA Gill have all won it in the past. Here’s an extract from Johnson’s ‘winning’ passage:

“I find myself gripping his ears and tugging at the locks curling over them, beside myself, and a strange animal noise escapes from me as the mounting, Wagnerian crescendo overtakes me.”

Hmmm… I’ve read worse.

Anyway, this got me thinking – what is bad sex of the literal, not fictional kind?

Here are my nominations:

THE NOT ENOUGH FOREPLAY FOUL UP
The kind of guy who immediately reaches for the lube as a shortcut instead of actually bothering to turn you on…

THE DO ME, DO ME DISASTER
The person who lies back and expects to entertained – all the time!

THE SEXUAL ROULETTE RISK TAKER
The foolish folk who try and convince you that they don’t need a condom because they are clean. Not for long with that attitude…

THE ANATOMICALLY CONFUSED
Generally younger men (or at least I haven’t had to deal with them for years, thankfully!) who have no idea where the clitoris is…

Relationship jumping. Opinions please!

Hi all, I’m on the Tom Dunne show tomorrow morning discussing all manner of stuff regarding sexual relationships. There’s one question the researcher asked me which made me think. Are men or women more likely to jump from one sexual relationship to the next? I know plenty of people of both sex (including myself at times) who do this. Any body have any thoughts they’d like to share?