One of the great things about getting older is that it’s been a long time since I’ve been with a man who didn’t know what he was doing with his fingers. But for the benefit of less experienced male readers, here’s some easy tricks to try:

You want to get your partner very wet and excited before actually fingering her. Begin with light, gentle caresses around her inner thighs and on her pubic hair. Take your time. Once she starts arching her pelvis, you’ll know she’s beginning to get excited.

Next move on to the labia. Place your hand over her labia with the fingers pointing down towards the anus. You might want to try using some lube here. Warm it up on your hands and then gently explore the inner and outer lips of the vagina, moving upwards in stroking movements, lightly brushing past the clitoris, but not actually touching it.

Once she’s excited enough, circle the clitoris with your fingers. Move your forefinger around, between her inner and outer labia from her perineum to her clitoris. With one finger begin to tease her vaginal opening.

If she’s not yet wet enough, continue playing with her labia and clit. Fingering can be painful and a massive turn-off if she’s dry.

Use three fingers and glide your middle finger along the outside of her vaginal opening while your other two fingers are playing with her labia.

Insert one finger deeply into her vagina and, massage in and out while twisting your wrist. When she’s ready, insert a second. Repeat. Some women will be happy for you to use three or four fingers. The trick is to make sure she’s enjoying herself and feels comfortable before inserting more than two fingers. The wetter, hornier and the more relaxed she is, the more likely she is to enjoy three or four fingers. This also depends on your hand size. Alternatively, just ask.

Try placing a thumb against her anus while doing this. Don’t insert it, unless you have already established that this is okay with her – some girls love this, others will freak if you try. Press against her anus while you move your fingers inside her vagina. With two fingers, press firmly on each side of in her vagina – up, down, left and right.

Insert two fingers into her vagina and then arch your thumb so that it rests against her clitoris. The trick here is to stimulate the clit while to wriggle, twist, thrust and vibrate your hand. Some women prefer a rotating motion around their clit, others will find up and down or side-to-side movements more stimulating. Use them all but watch her reaction for clues.

Try a finger vibrator to add something extra to the mix and don’t shy away from lube. Lubricant is no substitute to getting your partner wet and horny, but lubes, especially those that heat up or tingle can definitively add an extra dimension of pleasure.

Some women will want gentle stimulation; others will prefer you to be more aggressive. Unfortunately there is no hard and fast rule except this one: bringing a woman to orgasm with your fingers is all about finding the rhythm that works best for her. If you’re doing something she’s really enjoying, it doesn’t mean she’ll be equally thrilled for you to do this gentler, harder or faster. Once you’ve found her rhythm – stick with it.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 4th, 2008 at 10:15 am and is filed under better sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.